What if a toddler is the most wise of us all?
"An old horse knows the way" - A Chinese proverb is representative of a similar sentiment that exists across many cultures. The older you get, the wiser you are....
I disagree! In my house, our youngest is now 5 and we have emerged from the toddler years with battle wounds and a big sigh of relief. For me, the toddler phase was the most rewarding and the most challenging in so many ways....
A toddler will NOT be told what they "should" do.
A toddler lives a life of curiosity and wonder. They ask a LOT of questions, they explore everything with their hands (and permanent markers) and they bump into everything along the way. They are curious, determined, resilient and relentless.
After enduring endless toddler tantrums, I can look back now and see that a toddler will not be told what they "should" do. No matter how hard you try to impose your adult logic on their world.
They are unapologetic about what they want, they are clear on their boundaries and they are determined to stand their ground. (mostly hitting the ground and expressing their needs through screams!)
As painful as these moments are when you just need to get them into the car, I admire a toddlers unmovable determination to live life on their terms - I believe we can all learn so much from these stubborn little terrors!
When do we become passive, directionless and apologetic?
Every day, I work with adults who are feeling lost and overwhelmed. Every decision feels loaded with fear, doubt and confusion. Somewhere along the way, adults have been moved into conforming mode and eventually, many of us don't know what we actually want.
Life is messy and as we grow, we get knocked and learn that often it is easier to conform. This works to a point but eventually, people who make every decision based on "should" instead of "want" realise that they are far from themselves. They have waited for someone else to decide what happens next so realistically, what are the odds of ending up where you want to be?
I work with people who are ready to feel back in control in their lives. My goal is to use coaching to move you away from "should" and towards "want".
"What do you want?" is the big question. When you ask people that question, they panic. It is the first time they have given it any thought in a long time. We have given away so much of our autonomy to conforming that we no longer know who we are. This is where working with a coach can be incredibly powerful.
As a coach, I work with my clients to discover who they really are - What is important, what is their dream, what would they do if they are not afraid? .... Imagine being able to answer these questions, with clarity.
Confidence comes from this clarity of purpose and motivation. Once we work on discovering your dreams and needs, the work gets easier to create goals and accountability. When your needs are clear, the next step of advocating for your needs feels natural and intuitive.
If you would like to explore how coaching could benefit you, you can set up a free 30 minute consultation here. Channel your inner toddler and just do it, before the "shoulds" arrive to get in your way!
This weekโs "Big Life" Experiment: The Toddler Audit
If you are feeling overwhelmed by a big decision, try this:
Find a photo of your toddler-self. Stick it on your desk.
Doodle around it. Scribble the words that describe that kid. Were they bossy? Curious? Obsessed with blocks?
The gut check: Next time youโre faced with a "should," look at that photo. Ask that version of you: "Is this what we wanted to build?"
I leave you with my favourite tantrum moment from our house. The moment I realised that I was no longer in control - This photo was the first day my husband went back to work after our #2 arrived, #1 realised she was no longer #1 and so began the ultimate "send him back" tantrum... I clearly could not reason with her or agree to her T&Cs so instead, I took a deep breath and got the ultimate photo.
(I am relieved to share that #1 & #2 are inseparable now but #1 is still the boss)
